DIRTY ALPHAS Page 4

  “And then some fucking,” Mitch says.

  Chloe blows out a breath. “You’re such a dick.” She shoots me a look. “Both of you. You’re no better. Cavemen to the core. Every time I’m here in the morning, there’s some poor girl doing the walk of shame from your rooms.”

  Nicki bursts out laughing. At us. At me. I know in that moment that she believes Chloe’s claim that Mitch and I are cavemen. And it really, really bothers me.

  Dammit, I don’t want Nicki to assume I’m gonna be like that with her. But there’s nothing I can say right now while Mitch and Chloe are here.

  “Five minutes and we get back down to it,” I say, before storming out of the room like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. Dammit, Chloe!

  Chapter 6

  ~Nicki~

  This last week has been so busy with back-to-back classes and assignments. Why did I take so many classes this semester? Right, to graduate as quickly as possible. I’ve had Chloe and Mitch on my back about practice. But John, to his credit, has left me alone. He knows what I get like with school when I’m feeling the pressure. I hunker down and basically go into hibernation in my apartment, doing nothing but studying my ass off and working on assignments, eating junk food in my sweats. The worst of it’s over now and I have a break for the weekend. Usually we’ll communicate via text, but this time I haven’t heard a thing from him. A week is an extraordinary long time for us to go without talking.

  It’s because of the infamous kiss.

  But is it him who’s avoiding me, or the other way around? Sure, he hasn’t communicated with me, but I haven’t communicated with him either. It’s like we’re caught in some sort of awkward stalemate. I don’t know what to do about it. This kind of thing has never happened between us before. He’s never touched me like that. I can’t deny that I’ve thought about it before, but I’ve always reprimanded myself immediately. John likes experienced women. And I’m…not.

  He thinks I’m such a fragile little girl. It’s because of the past—that night when he saw me on the floor, bleeding and sobbing like that. Stop! Never think about it! I force myself not to. Sometimes I get disturbing flashes. It always happens after I let a guy touch me. It had with Axel. And then the nightmares had come. And, as usual, John was there with me, helping me through it. He’s the only one who can; the only guy who makes me feel safe. It’s because he was there that night. He saved me.

  But I’m not weak like he thinks I am. I can take rejection. I’m not some damsel in distress. He thinks I don’t see the looks he gives any guy who comes near me? I see every one of them. And, damn, that day in the lecture hall when Axel had sat beside me and asked me out, I’d thought John was gonna lunge across the seats and throttle him right there in the middle of class.

  Axel’s been nice enough to me. I haven’t heard anything since our not-a-date over a week ago. Honestly, I hadn’t really noticed until today. I’d been so busy. And whenever I’d stopped for a moment, the only thing that’d been on my mind was John. Pathetic, I know. But I just can’t get the memory of that kiss out of my head. His lips. The gentle way he’d kissed me. The way he’d touched me. God, I’ve never felt anything like it. It was like he was setting my skin on fire.

  That’s it. I have to know what he’s thinking. So, either we can move forward with whatever this new development is between us, or we can go back to normal and forget the whole thing.

  Yeah, I’m gonna do this. We’re gonna figure this out tonight.

  But first, I need to shower and sort myself out. I look like shit.

  ***

  I snatch my phone off the bedside table and text John: Alone—Heart. I glance down at the crimson silky chemise that I’m wearing. It was a birthday present given to me over a year ago by Chloe. It was her silent way of saying that I need to get out there and get laid. Of course, that didn’t happen. But when I’d opened it in front of the band, not knowing what was inside the gift wrap at the time, I’d seen that look in John’s eyes immediately. That primal look he gets when he’s about to pounce on some girl he’s been seducing all night long at a party or something. So, I know he likes it.

  As I lay back on the bed, propping the pillows up behind me so that I’m half lying, half sitting, I suddenly feel insanely nervous. Shit. I cross my legs, feeling uncomfortable not wearing any underwear beneath the skimpy slip of a nightdress. I try to strike what I think is a sexy pose, but everything feels so awkward. I’ve seen women do it in the movies—how do they pull it off so easily?

  I can’t do this.

  I slide off the bed, intending to make my way into the bathroom to grab my bathrobe when the door opens. Oh no! Too late!

  “Got your text. So, you’ve got me alone. So, what’s—oh shit!” John’s voice comes from the door.

  I cringe. Shit. “Hi,” I squeak over my shoulder.

  He shuts the door behind him and chuckles. “Are you gonna turn around or talk to me with your back to me all night?”

  “I…uh…I need my robe.”

  “No,” he says huskily.

  I force myself to turn around. The moment I do, his eyes dart to mine suddenly. I grin inwardly, knowing that they were staring at my ass just a second earlier. I can see the coiled tension in his body, the stiff set of his jaw and I know he’s struggling to keep his gaze on my eyes and not elsewhere. If I was any other girl, he wouldn’t bother. It makes me feel bad, like I’m teasing him or something.

  “You can look,” I tell him.

  But he still doesn’t. In fact, he slaps his hand over his eyes. “Shit, Nicki. I…uh…why are you wearing…that?”

  “Can you remove your hand and look at me?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Fine.” I take a deep breath and perch on the edge of the bed. “Nothing happened after our kiss the other day. No nightmares. Nothing.”

  “Really?” he asks, intrigued.

  “Yeah.”

  “And?” he presses.

  “I don’t know if it was a mistake to you, or what. If you’ve been avoiding me, or whether I’ve subconsciously been avoiding you or something. I wanted to clear it up tonight.”

  “There’s something else,” he accuses.

  Dammit, he knows me too well. “I…uh…will you…touch me?”

  His hand falls away and his gaze snaps to mine. “What?”

  I climb onto the bed and ease myself back against the pillows, hoping I don’t actually look as awkward as I feel.

  He shakes his head. “Nicki…”

  “It was a mistake, wasn’t it?” I ask, suddenly embarrassed as hell. I pull the covers up to shield myself. “Oh crap,” I mumble. “Can you leave and give me a second to get dressed and then we’ll talk this out?”

  “No,” he says. Before I know it, he’s climbing onto the other side of the bed. “That’s not what I meant. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to,” I say, pushing the covers aside.

  This time, his eyes are all over me. “Nicki, once you give me the green light, I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to stop.”

  Oh my God. I swallow hard and tell him, “I want you to touch me.”

  “You don’t wanna talk about it first?”

  “Hell, no. After.”

  He slowly nods. “All right. Close your eyes.”

  Chapter 7

  ~John~

  She closes her eyes. Tightly. She screws up her beautiful face and I see her entire body tense. I stay where I am beside her and trail my fingers lightly down her right arm. Her breath comes in short, erratic bursts. I lace her fingers with mine and hold her hand tightly until her breathing starts to become more regular. Calmer.

  And then I brush my fingers over the straps of her lingerie. She whimpers quietly.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  She shakes her head. “No. I trust you.”

  Her words hit me like a fucking ton of bricks. I trust you. It has me hesitating for the first time ever when it comes to a w
oman. Damn, this is different. It’s not like normal. This is…more. A lot more.

  “We’re not gonna have sex.” Normally, I’d never be so polite when discussing this shit. But I know it makes Nicki uncomfortable and she’s already tense enough. She’s fighting herself. She wants to be touched, but she’s so afraid of it as well.

  She sits up and wraps her arms around herself.

  “What?” I ask. For once, I have no idea what she’s thinking. I’ve never seen her like this before—in a sexual situation.

  “It’s because I’m not like them, right?”

  “Them?”

  “The girls you usually…fuck.”

  Damn, hearing that word coming out of her mouth in this context is so hot. It takes me a second to focus. I silently will my cock to behave itself. Not tonight, buddy. “I don’t get it.”

  She blows out a frustrated breath. And right there, there’s the Nicki I know. “I’m not experienced.”

  Oh, of course. “You think I don’t want you?”

  She moves to speak, but I silence her as my lips crash against hers, showing her just how much I want her. She gasps against my lips. I hold back, kissing her slowly and softly like last time, like I know she’s comfortable with. I lower her gently down into the bed. As she returns my kiss, my hands brush along her shoulders. I peel off the straps of her lingerie, still expecting her to stop me. But she doesn’t. She’s too caught up in our kiss. I ease the silk down further, exposing her tits—the ones I’ve had many wet dreams about over the years. I knead them gently and she pulls back in surprise. I don’t stop and instead I increase the pressure and graze each nipple with the pads of my thumbs. A tiny moan escapes her lips and she arches her back, pushing against my waiting hands that are all too ready to accept more of her.

  “These are beautiful. You know that?”

  “Really?” she asks with amusement.

  “Mmm…yeah.”

  I straddle her and lean down and lick her right nipple.

  To my surprise, she giggles. I’ve never had that reaction before. The look on her face is so fucking adorable that I burst out laughing myself. She starts giggling harder in response to my laughter. I grip her waist and shift our positions, setting her on top of me.

  She pulls at the hem of my shirt and pushes it up my chest, trying to strip it off me. I help her get it off and I toss it on the floor. Her hands press against my chest and she hesitantly brushes her fingers over my nipples, my abs. Christ, the way she touches me is out of this world. I’ve never felt anything like it. Unlike the rough, frenzied touch I’m used to from the women I fuck, Nicki is methodical and gentle, her fingers so soft. “Oh fuck,” I breathe. “Amazing, baby.”

  “Baby?” she asks.

  “You like it?”

  “Yeah.”

  My words of encouragement motivate her and she leans down and uses her mouth, tracing the path her fingers took with her tongue. Damn, she’s good. I can’t stop myself from grinding against her in response.

  “Ah!” she exclaims in surprise.

  “That’s my cock, baby. Hard for you.”

  Anxiety flashes in her eyes.

  “Not tonight,” I assure her. I slip my hand under her silky lingerie and tell her, “You’re not just some girl to me. I care about you. All right?”

  Before she can respond, I slide my thumb between her pussy lips. She bucks against me and I grip her right hip to keep her steady on top of me. She’s so wet. So ready.

  “Is this okay?”

  “Yes,” she chokes out, her eyes heavy with desire.

  I circle her clit slowly with my finger. She’s so responsive, writhing against me uncontrollably. I have to tighten my grip on her so she doesn’t fall.

  “You want me to make you come?”

  Her lips curl into a devilish grin.

  “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” She yelps as I push up her dress and grab her ass and pull her down onto my face. “Hold on, baby.”

  She rises up and her pussy is at the perfect angle above me. I lick the length of her slowly and softly and she moans out. I don’t give her a chance to catch her breath. She tastes sweeter than I’d imagined and I lose control, devouring her like a ravenous animal. Lips, tongue, teeth.

  She’s screaming, cursing, and bellowing my name. I’ve never heard any woman sound like her. Fuck, she’s so hot. She can’t keep still. I know she’s close. I tease her pussy with my index finger and she cries out in surprise, but she doesn’t try to stop me. I push it in slowly. She’s so damn tight. Fuck me. I twist it inside her and push in further, until her pussy swallows all of it. Her grip is unbelievable. And I swear to God, if she were anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate to bury my cock in her. But she’s not just anyone. She’s Nicki. My Nicki.

  I pump my finger in and out, quickening my pace as my tongue flicks back and forth across her clit. She clenches around me, so fucking tightly and screams wildly as she comes hard. I lap up every delicious drop of her.

  I lift her off me and put her down beside me. She pulls her slip back down shyly, covering her upper thighs, and rolls over, gazing at me in wonder.

  “You okay?” I ask with amusement.

  “So, that’s how you make your girls scream.”

  “No, baby. I only use my fingers with them.”

  “Why?” she asks, her cheeks all red and innocent looking.

  “Cuz eating a girl out is too intimate for a one-night-stand.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. No more talking about them now,” I say, sitting up against the headboard. I pull her between my legs so she’s leaning against me, her back to my chest. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her hair. “I’ve dreamed about touching you so many times, Nicki.”

  “Me too.” She lays her head on my shoulder and breathes, “I can’t believe we did that, that I let you do that to me. Once we got into it, I couldn’t think of anything else—none of that shit—just you touching me and driving me crazy. It was like the time we kissed.”

  “I’m glad, Nicki.”

  She turns to me and announces, “I want you to fuck me.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head at her. “Not yet.”

  “I don’t get it. You had your fingers inside me. What’s the difference?”

  “The fact that you’re asking me that means you’re not ready. There’s a big fucking difference. You’re a virgin.”

  She pouts at me and then breaks my hold around her and climbs off the bed. “You’re afraid.”

  “What?”

  “You’re afraid, cuz you know it’ll mean something. Something more than you’re ready for.”

  “Oh, give me a break,” I say, climbing off the bed and snatching up my shirt. “You think I would’ve had my hands and mouth all over you if I didn’t already feel something?”

  “Yes. You do it all the time to tons of your groupies!”

  “You are not one of them, Nicki!” I thunder. “You’re my best friend! I care about you!”

  “Friend?” she pretty much spits out.

  I scrub my hand roughly over my face. Shit. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have touched her. I should’ve just left it at the kiss. But after that text of hers, I had to see what was going on with her. Fuck, let’s face it; I wanted her tonight.

  I hold up my hand. “Look, let’s get something straight here,” I say, grabbing both her wrists and jerking her towards me. I stare down at her as I tell her, “I’m not fucking you until I decide. It’s not because you’re a virgin. In fact, if you must know, I like it. It’s refreshing and it turns me on. It’s because if I fuck you that would be it.”

  “What? What does that mean?”

  “It means there would be no other woman after that. I can’t just fuck you. You mean too much to me. I wouldn’t be able to just walk away. I’d want everything.”

  “Like a relationship?”

  “Yes.” I let go of her and pull on my shirt. She doesn’t say anything. She just stands there in
shock, not knowing what the hell to say. “You want me to stay with you tonight? We did a lot,” I say, knowing she might end up having nightmares again.

  She shakes her head dazedly. “No. It’s fine. Thanks.”

  “All right. Then I guess I should…go?”

  “Sure,” she says, turning away. And before I can say anything else, she walks to the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

  Is this a trick? Like when a woman says one thing, but means another? Does she really want me to stay? Or did she mean what she said? Fuck, I’m way out of my depth here.

  I spend the next couple of minutes just standing in her apartment, before finally opening the door and walking out. Please don’t let this bite me in the ass later. She told me to leave, so I’m leaving.

  Chapter 8

  ~John~

  “I’m not fucking you until I decide.”

  Did I actually say those words to her? I can’t believe it. I’m so used to being a detached asshole with women. And doing those things with Nicki last night was anything but detached and it freaked me out big time.

  The last thing I want is to hurt her.

  Shit, I should never have opened this can of worms. I just couldn’t let her get with that fucker, Axel. But now, after my screw up last night, I haven’t been able to stop wondering whether I’m really any better.

  “John! Did you hear me?” Mitch yells from across the kitchen table.

  I look up and see him munching on some cereal right out of the box. Great, that’s done with then. Who knows where his hand has been. I hate when he does that shit. “No. Sorry. I’ve got things on my mind. What were you saying?”

  “Things, huh? You mean a girl?”

  “What?” I get up from the table and open the fridge. I pull out a beer and rip off the cap. “No, no girl.”

  “So, Nicki then?”

  I almost spit out my beer. “And Nicki’s not a girl?”

  “Not really. She’s like one of the guys,” Mitch tells me.