DIRTY ALPHAS Read online

  “You couldn’t control it could you? That nasty temper of yours? You were prepared to kill a man. Now that’s fucked up. Tell me; how did he survive? Did she stop you?”

  My eyes narrow. “You little shit.”

  His hand grips mine suddenly. Roughly, his pretty boy nails digging into my skin. I growl low in my throat. But I don’t make a move. I can’t. I can’t risk it.

  “What’s the matter? Pull your hand away,” he challenges.

  “Axel. Stop!” Mitch commands, coming closer.

  Axel ignores him and tells me, “You can’t, can you? You can’t just walk away, because that would be submitting; allowing someone else to have power over you. But you also can’t react, because one shot isn’t enough. You’re afraid you won’t be able to stop. And so here we are with you frozen in place trying to fight yourself.”

  Before I can get a word out, Mitch intervenes and rips Axel’s hand off mine. He grabs me by the shoulders and hauls me out of the chair, because I’m sinking under the weight of Axel’s words. The guy has done his research. He’s just outlined my worst fears.

  “He’s stopped plenty of times with you,” Mitch says.

  “But it takes a hell of a lot of effort,” Axel fires back. “More than any normal person needs. He has a problem and he knows it.”

  “This conversation is over,” Mitch tells him.

  But Axel isn’t the least bit deterred, cuz he knows he has me on the ropes now.

  “Tell me, John. What happens when she makes you lose your temper? Will you be able to control yourself? It’s a split second reaction, isn’t it? How can you guarantee it?”

  “I would never hurt her, you fuck!”

  “John, let’s go. Ignore him,” Mitch urges, pulling me away.

  “You’re the same as him, John. The same as Greg,” Axel calls out.

  I stop in my tracks, resisting Mitch’s pull.

  “That’s right. I know everything. As you know, money can buy you anything. In my case: information. In yours: no jail time for almost killing a man who is just like you.”

  I snap and lunge across the table at him. “You piece of shit! Don’t you dare compare me to that asshole!”

  My hands are around his neck before I can even register it.

  “You’re just proving my point,” he chokes out.

  His words jolt me out of my suffocating state of rage and I loosen my grip. Mitch does the rest, wrapping his arms around my chest and pulling me back. I let him.

  “Be seeing you around, Johnny boy,” he shouts as we glare at one another before Mitch pulls me around the corner and back into the house.

  “I’m good. I’m good,” I tell him, holding up my hands.

  He releases me and I slump against the wall. I feel sick to my stomach. Axel really managed to get into my head. And I hate it. But what I hate more, what nags at me, is the fear that he could be right. How much control do I really have over myself? I almost killed Nicki’s stepfather, Greg. I didn’t want to stop. I was so far gone. If she hadn’t been there, I know I would’ve killed him.

  “Fuck,” I breathe, sliding down the wall and cradling my face in my hands.

  Mitch kneels beside me and lays his hand on my shoulder. “He was wrong about Nicki. You would never lay a hand on her. She’s everything to you. You don’t have it in you to hurt her. Please tell me you know that; that you know he was just fucking with you?”

  I know Mitch is right about that part. I would never hurt Nicki. But the rest? Can I control it around other people like my enemies; Axel and whoever else may cross me one day?

  I honestly don’t know. And it scares the shit out of me.

  Chapter 28

  ~Nicki~

  I draw in a calming breath as I walk into the diner right around the corner from where I used to live as a kid. Being in this neighborhood again is a painful shock to my system. It’s been two years since I last set foot anywhere near this run down hell hole. The day I’d stood on her doorstep and told her I never wanted to see or hear from her again; that I was going to college to work on building a better life for myself away from all of the shit of my childhood. A childhood that had very nearly killed me.

  “Nicola?” a nervous voice calls to me.

  I follow the all-too-familiar voice to see her standing there, bent over an empty table, the cloth in her hand frozen on its surface.

  “Mom,” I manage.

  As much as I’d told myself I was prepared for this, just the sight of her makes my skin crawl.

  Although it’s only been two years, she looks a lot older. Her face is like hard leather now with so many wrinkles etched into her skin. Her eyes are empty, like all the light has gone out in them. She’s still dressing like a skank. Her white V-neck t-shirt is so low-cut that her boobs are almost spilling out of it. Her dirtied server apron is longer than her tiny denim skirt that’s revealing far too much when she bends over, giving the customers an eyeful. She’s still using the same ridiculous tactics to attract men; the usual sleazebags she hops into bed with hoping that they’ll actually take care of her. Not the way to make that happen, Mom.

  She straightens herself and nervously pats her platinum-blonde curls. She studies me intently for several seconds. I flinch under her gaze. I hate her looking at me. I shift my weight and adjust my black leather jacket before pulling one of my knee-high boots up on my jeans.

  She finally looks away and calls out to another server standing behind the counter, “I’m taking my break. Back in ten.”

  I turn around and walk out of the diner. Leaning against the wall, my arms folded across my chest in a much-needed defensive pose, I watch as she emerges.

  “Nicola—”

  “It’s Nicki,” I snap.

  She winces at my harsh tone and says, “I’m sorry. Nicki. I can’t believe you came down here. You came to see me.”

  “I didn’t come here for a social visit,” I correct her.

  “I’ve missed you,” she says, moving closer to me.

  “No. Stay where you are.”

  She gazes at me sadly and shakes her head. “Nicki, please.” Her voice is thick with pain.

  “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to beg me to take it easy on you. After what you did to me, what you—”

  “I know!” she cries. “I know, Nicki. And I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you when you told me what he—”

  “Don’t!”

  “I need you to believe me.”

  “Why? So I can forgive you? Ease your guilty conscience? I don’t think so, Mom. I have to live with what you let him do to me every day. Do you know what that’s like? Do you?”

  Her eyes are brimming with tears. She tries to reach out to me, but I take a step back. “Oh, darling. I’m so sorry. I hate myself for what happened. I should’ve protected you.”

  “Yes! You should have! But you didn’t. And nothing can change that.”

  “It can. It doesn’t have to be this way between us. Please.”

  How dare she ask for my forgiveness after what she put me through? Incensed, I step into her and seethe, “It has to be exactly this way. Because, when I look at you, all I see is what he did to me; what you let him do to me.”

  “Nicki—”

  I step back and collect myself. My entire body is shaking. And not just from the force of my deep-seated anger towards her, but also from the crippling pain of recalling that awful day. Being around her even for a second always triggers it all.

  “I came here to tell you to stop contacting me. I knew you wouldn’t listen unless you heard it straight from me, face-to-face. Well, here it is. Do not contact me again.”

  With that, I turn on my heel.

  “He’s out, Nicki! He got early parole…for good behavior!”

  I stop in my tracks, completely frozen by her words.

  Oh my God. I can’t…I can’t process this. I can’t move. I can barely breathe. No, no, no. Greg is out? He’s free on the streets?

  “
How…how do you know?” I manage to eke out.

  “He came to the house. He wanted to know where you and John were. I didn’t tell him.”

  “Where…where we are?”

  “He blames you two for putting him in jail. It’s why I’ve been trying to contact you, darling.” There’s a pause and I hear her footsteps near me. I’m in such a state of shock that I can’t even move away. Before I know it, she’s standing right in front of me.

  Her eyes flash with fear as she says, “He’s coming for both of you.”

  Chapter 29

  ~John~

  “Where is she?” I ask my uncle as he greets me in the lobby of the gym.

  Nicki hadn’t responded to any of my texts all day. When it got late, I started searching for her. I had no luck. Then, finally, right at the stroke of midnight, my uncle called me. I high-tailed it down here immediately.

  “Wailing on a bag.”

  “You let her stay two hours after closing time?”

  “You know how stubborn she is. Lock up and drive her home,” he says, handing me his spare set of keys. “And…”

  “And what?”

  “Take it easy on her. She’s…something’s wrong. She won’t talk about it with me, but she might with you.”

  I nod. He pats me on the shoulder and walks out through the front door.

  I pocket his keys and make my way onto the gym floor. It’s eerily quiet with no one else around. The only sounds are the rapid thuds of Nicki’s fists on a bag and her little grunts of determination. I spot her instantly, over in the far right corner of the floor, wailing on a bag. She’s not even dressed in her gym clothes. Just her regular clothes. Her leather jacket is crumpled up in a pile on the ground against the wall.

  “Nicki!” I call over the sound of her furious assault as I reach her.

  She stops in surprise and looks at me. “Hey,” she says, breathlessly.

  I reach out and grip her hips, pulling her to me. Mmm…she feels so fucking good in my arms. I kiss her forehead softly and she lets out a little moan. I pull back to look at her. “You went off the grid today, baby. I thought we were going out?”

  She seems confused for a second, before the realization hits her. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. The day…it got away from me. I’ll make it up to you.”

  “I don’t need you to make it up to me. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

  She pulls herself out of my hold and starts untying the wraps around her hands. “I went to see my mom,” she says in a whisper.

  I knew it! “I see,” I say, unable to keep the edge out of my voice. “What did the bitch have to say?”

  “John, don’t.”

  “Don’t what? Worry about you? You should’ve told me. I would’ve come with you.”

  She pockets the wraps and snatches her leather jacket off the floor, draping it over her arm. “Greg is out on parole.”

  What the fuck? I take a step back as though I’ve just been slugged in the gut. “He’s—he’s what?”

  “He’s out. That’s why she’s been trying to contact me.”

  “Where?”

  “What?”

  “Where is he?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I bet she does.”

  “She doesn’t. Believe me; I made sure of that.”

  “I’ll find him, Nicki.”

  She shakes her head. “You won’t need to. He’s coming for us, John. He’s coming.”

  I bring my hand to my face, rubbing my eyes roughly as I try to think, try to summon rational thought. “I’ll talk to my dad. That asshole won’t be out for long.”

  “John—”

  “We’re gonna do things differently this time. We’re gonna stop him before he gets anywhere near you.”

  “No,” she snaps.

  “What?”

  Her eyes lock with mine. “I’m going to stop him.”

  “What are you talking about?” I demand, instantly getting my back up just at the idea of her putting herself in danger.

  “I’m gonna kill him, John.”

  Chapter 30

  ~John~

  I lay Nicki down in my bed and tuck her in.

  “John?” she slurs tiredly.

  “Yes, baby?” I ask, stroking her hair.

  “I like being in your bed.”

  “I like having you here. Sleep now,” I say, kissing her cheek.

  She smiles and closes her eyes.

  After our conversation at the gym, I knew she was in shock about Greg being out of prison. When we got back to my place, I brought out the scotch to calm her down. It worked too well, completely knocking her out. She’s such a light-weight and it’s hard to tell what her limit is.

  She hasn’t said another word about wanting to kill him. It was just a fearful reaction. She would never…she couldn’t kill someone. It was just talk.

  I quietly leave the room and make my way to the bathroom. I need to wash away this hell of a day. First dealing with Axel and now this. The only way things could have gotten worse would’ve been if Greg had crossed my path. That fucker. He won’t get anywhere near her this time. I won’t let it happen. But this time, I’m gonna be smart about it.

  Doing things the sensible way isn’t usually my MO. But…maybe I’m a little gun-shy after all the shit that’s been happening lately. Axel was right about one thing: I do have one hell of a temper. And it’s been tested a lot recently. I can’t risk it again with Greg. If I face off with him…let’s just say, I don’t trust myself enough. The stakes are too high.

  Mitch is out tonight. Normally, I’d enjoy the company with Nicki asleep. I don’t like being alone usually. But right now, I’m grateful for it. My mind is working a million miles a minute. And the glass of scotch I’d downed had done fuck all to dull it. I need some peace and quiet to get my head straight.

  I walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. Quickly, I pull off my jeans and t-shirt and step under the soothing warm water and pull the shower curtain closed. I close my eyes and let it calm me as I draw in a series of deep breaths.

  My eyes snap open suddenly at the sound of the shower curtain being ripped aside. I almost choke on my own breath as I see Nicki standing there completely naked. Holy fucking shit. Well, so much for her being asleep. Fastest nap ever.

  She steps into the shower before I can get a word out.

  “Nicki, what are you—?”

  Her lips crash against mine, silencing me. She kisses me hard and desperately. My cock responds instantly, loving the feel of her wet, naked body pressed against mine. But I ignore what it wants and grip both her shoulders, pulling her lips from mine.

  “Nicki, no.”

  “Why not?” she asks, pouting at me.

  I look away to avoid that and the sight of her sexy-as-sin body on full display for me.

  “You’re drunk and upset. I can’t.”

  “You can.”

  Oh fuck. “Please don’t do this to me.”

  “What?” she says, placing her hands on my chest. “Make you want me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need you, John. I need you to take it away.”

  “Take away what?”

  “All the bad,” she whispers hoarsely.

  Fucking hell. This woman owns me. I’d do anything for her; give her anything she wants. I can’t do it. I can’t walk away like I probably should. Not with her looking at me like that. Not with her needing me.

  I drop to my knees and grip her thighs.

  “Spread your legs,” I command.

  She does it instantly, submitting to my power. And that just turns me on more.

  She sucks in a breath as I spread her pussy lips apart, opening her wide for me. I lick the length of her in one long, firm stroke.

  “Oh God, John,” she gasps.

  Holding her open with my fingers, exposing that sweet pussy of hers, having her at my complete and utter mercy, is such a fucking turn on.

  I devour her mercilessly, tasting every inch
of her, savoring the taste of her, lapping up her juices as they drip down her inner thighs. She’s moaning and bucking against me. I slide a finger inside her and she screams as I start to fuck her hard.

  “Yes! Yes! More, John!”

  This wild side of her drives me insane. It’s so fucking hot. I remove my finger. It’s dripping with her wetness. I look up at her as I trace a circle around her asshole. Her eyes widen as I slowly push the tip in.

  “You like that, baby?”

  She nods, unable to speak, she’s panting so hard.

  I ease in further, holding her gaze. A mischievous smirk plays on her face. She likes this. I stop when I’m knuckle deep, holding my finger there in her tight little ass.

  She’s gazing at me in wonder. She can’t believe I’m doing this; that she’s letting me do this with her. I’ve wanted to experiment with her, but I really thought this would be a no-go. But she’s loving it. And so am I.

  I reclaim her pussy with my mouth as I start to move my finger slowly in and out of her ass.

  She screams and squirms against me, trying to ride my face.

  When I thrust two fingers into her pussy and start fucking her pussy and ass simultaneously, an animalistic growl rips from her throat and she tugs roughly at my hair.

  Her legs tremble and she screams my name as she comes hard around me. But I don’t stop. I step up my assault.

  “John!” she pleads. “Ah…it’s too much.”

  “Come for me again, baby.”

  “I…I can’t.”

  “Yes you can. Let go. Feel it. Let go of everything.”

  I suck her clit into my mouth and, sure enough, she comes, shrieking, “Ah! Fuck!”

  I pull out as I feel her legs about to give way and I grab her hips to stop her from falling. I rise to my feet and grin at her. “Better?”

  She doesn’t answer. She just throws her arms around me and squeezes me tightly. I wrap her up in my arms.

  “I love you, John.”

  “I love you, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I promise. We’ll deal with this together.”

  “Yes,” she murmurs. “Thank you.”